if only there was a way that i can vent my anger and channel it towards something that can make me feel better. someone or somebody that can help make my life feel a little bit better now. i feel so angry.

i am angry that my best friend is only around when she needs me especially at times when her bf is not around. i am angry that she lies and hurt me.

i am angry that my bf is not my bf anymore!! :( he is not like what he used to be. maybe its the distance's fault.i cant wait till i see him again and feel the love i used to have felt from his touch months ago....

i am angry that i have frens that never appreciate my existance. who doesnt see what i would do for them. i knw i am being selfish. i hope they would see what i have had done for them and that they would do the same for me. and not ditching me to spend time with someone better after i have travelled so far just to be with them.

i hate it when they compare and say that i am never good enough. that they have other frens who are way better than i am. who forgets about the times we had before that other fren even showed up.

why dont anyone see the good times we had before and make better ones come?... why do they have to leave me behind, lost.... i am a lost soul....

i feel lost....

I have read blogs and comments about couples being in long distance relationships, as well as what people think about being in a long distance relationship. And i have came to a conclusion that, it is difficult being in this sort of relationship. Why is that so? well..My other half is at the moment at the other part of the world (Germany). While I am stuck here in Perth. It is however amazing that we have made it through for almost about 9 months apart. Next month would be our 1st Year Anniversary being together. I guess some might criticize in this case. The issue is with the 9 months apart and just 3 months actually spent together. Well.. I can say for sure. He is someone that I can trust. And that he could trust me. And we were so much in love when he was around. Nothing could break us apart. We are still head over heels for each other till now..

How are we surviving? well, hours of webchatting.. waking up early in the mornings (6 hours time difference), loads of money spent on calls and smses.We mail each other gifts, letters and cards. We try our best to keep our relationship still fresh and wonderful.

I should admit that, it is not easy. The time spent apart is too long. We get into small fights that shouldnt even be fights at all. We cant kiss and make up easily. WE have issues and its hard to solve if we cant make things better physically. It is the most difficult part, when I start getting insecure, and jealous and worried (why does it have to be the females to feel these sort of insecurities?) and then I'd start to get obsessed and possessive. Want him to be there for me all the time, when he has other stuff to do too (work and uni). It is difficult. It breaks my heart to continue this discussion any further, cos i miss him so much now and he is working at the moment. I am not getting any text msg from him.. and it sucks like hell... what im trying to say.. anyone can survive a long distance relationship as long as their hearts are set to it, the love matters alot, cos no matter what issues and fights u get into, as long as you love each other and willing to work things out together, you will never have to fear of losing him/her. I believe in the One... and he is the one for me....

(ps.. started to get lazy at the end.. dont mind the typo's :D)

i Love heiko petschukat....

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